Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
