My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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