I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
