I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
