when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
