did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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