No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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