i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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