i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
