anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
