I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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