Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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