I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you win again, gameday.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
