just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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