i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
