Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
