so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize