shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
