I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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