You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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