He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
