I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
