accomplished twins. life is a go
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
