she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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