He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
