Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
