Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
