I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
