I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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