3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
