just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
