At least make sure they are 18
Why
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
40s are totally the cure
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
