sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
