Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
