I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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