He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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