There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm really into asian looking animals
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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