I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
