my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
