dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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