$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
