Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
