Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Randomize
