and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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