it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
