So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
