She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize