covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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