he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
