Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
