college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
