OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
