these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
