i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
