he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
