why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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