ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
