its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize