I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
