Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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