either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
