It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
