She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
