Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
