Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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