i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
