tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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