dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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