I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
