why didn't you poke me back
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
