i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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