A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
