I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
