If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
