When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
this hospital has no fireball
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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