the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just blew my weed a kiss
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
