I seem to have left my pride at pride
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
