My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
