She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
