i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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