so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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