96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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