the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
